I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
