its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
