That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
