The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
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