shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize