fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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