so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
