I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
