it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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