You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
