woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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