You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
