I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
