I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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