Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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