Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just had sex bonerless
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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