So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
