I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
