fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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