My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
