All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
