Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
