every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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