on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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