tonight lets celebrate not being married
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
