dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
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why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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