Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
