She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
