Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
