i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
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I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
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He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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