ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You were trust falling into bushes
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
