hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
