i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
