it's too hot outside to masturbate.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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