Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Randomize
