Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
