The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
