is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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