Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
