everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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