My nipple is on Facebook.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
