I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize