I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
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Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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