TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
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let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
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