ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
