I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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