how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
