After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
