good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
