I heard we made out
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
