i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
