How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
