just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
