I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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