Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
