btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
