how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
this is an emotional support booty call
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
