new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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