he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
