Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize