Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
