I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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