i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
