I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The chlamydia really affected his face.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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