she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
