So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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