I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Randomize
