she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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