remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
