That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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