I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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