She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
