Got a toothbrush?
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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