i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
