just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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