So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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