I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
