Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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