i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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