I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
