put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
