I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
