do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
