her facebook's as public as her vagina
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
