remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
