I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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