Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
