Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
