Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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