If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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