You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
