she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
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I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
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Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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